Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
