Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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