We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Randomize
