why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Randomize
