I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
