people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
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