We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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