4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
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