I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
