get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
