I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
Randomize
