he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
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