The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
