is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
Randomize
