K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
