yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
