Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
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