is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
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you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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