White coat. Heels.
I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Randomize
