Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
Found your dick twin last night
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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