Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
Randomize
