yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
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