wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
never play flip cup with pint glasses
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
