I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
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