Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Randomize
