I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize
