He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
Randomize
