We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Randomize
