is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Randomize
