i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
