Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
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sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
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We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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