Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
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