I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
Randomize
