Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Randomize
