as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Randomize
