I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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