i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
