Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Randomize
