Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
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The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
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I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
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