ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
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