If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Randomize
