And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
porn star boner night. come get it.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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