Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Randomize
