his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
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