Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
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