Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
