it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
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