I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
Randomize
