I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
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