i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
pray to the hookup gods
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
