I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
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