Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
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