Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
we're making bets on your personal life
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Randomize
