an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
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