dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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