You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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