You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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