so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
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we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
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I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
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