Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
Randomize
