She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize