nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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