Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
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it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
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This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
there is glitter all over my balls
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
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