i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
Randomize
