I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
Randomize
