im having a threesome with these popsicles
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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