What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Randomize
