ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
