Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
Randomize
