At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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