no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
Randomize
