Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Randomize
