Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
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