we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Randomize
