Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
Randomize
