Swine flu. Run for my life!
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
Randomize
