I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
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