He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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